The chest surgery went very well. It took only about 2 hours, and it was about as minimally invasive as it could be. Still, there is A LOT of pain.
There was an incision made in my side in-between my ribs. This is where their cameras went as well as where the chest tube was placed. This tube is what they used to collapse my lung and then used it for drainage after the surgery. It caused quite a lot of pain.
Another incision was made directly below my right shoulder blade. This is where they went in to remove the mass. The mass was exactly where they thought it was and was 2cm x 4 cm in size.
I was in ICU for about 30 hours or so and then was moved to a regular room for another 24 hours or so. Surprisingly I was released from the hospital only two and half days after the surgery. There has been a lot of pain involved but I've been feeling well other than that.
The really good news came this week. I had a follow up appointment with the surgeon the week after surgery. They were pretty concerned about complications with the lung because of the fact that the operation involved collapsing the lung and cutting right by the lung wall.
The surgeon told us that the chest x-ray looked as if there wasn't anything done as far as a surgery. He went on to say that the pathology reports revealed that there was teratoma; however, there was absolutely NO other cancer cells.
They then asked me if I wanted them to take out the port in my chest. For those of you that don't know, the oncologist will not even suggest taking out a port once it's in until they are 100% sure they are through giving treatments. So, that was the great news.
I'm done!! Just like that...it's over! I'm still in pain and need to recover. But it's over! It still seems a bit surreal, but as my pastor told me from the beginning "as soon as it began it will be over".
Thank you so much to everyone for your prayers. Catherine and I could not have possibly gone through this without your prayers. Obviously, I still have quite alot of a recovery process to go through and for that you can continue to pray. My healing won't be completely experienced until I'm fully recovered.
It's truly like a race. The part of the race that hurts the most is the finish. And if you gave it your all then you're sore and tired for a while after the race is finished. But nevertheless, it's over. And you can celebrate your victory.
The only difference is that I've had victory the entire time. I've been going through this time FROM a place of victory instead of striving to achieve or work TOWARD victory. Our victory is in Him...in our hearts. The Heart of Victory.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
About To Go In
It's 5:30 am and I'm waiting to go into my last surgery. Because of its location, it will also be the most serious one. The mass they will remove today is in my chest cavity along my right lung and behind the heart. They will go in between my ribs in a couple of locations, collapse my right lung, then remove the mass.
Taking out the mass is easy...it's just hard to get there.
Pray that everything goes well and there are no complications. Check for updates on Facebook from my family. I'm sure they will be on there before me.
Taking out the mass is easy...it's just hard to get there.
Pray that everything goes well and there are no complications. Check for updates on Facebook from my family. I'm sure they will be on there before me.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Surgery
It's been a while since my last post. Many of you already know how the surgery went, but I know that not everyone does. First of all, I want to thank everyone for their prayers and especially thank all the friends and family who came to the hospital during and after my surgery.
If you read about the surgery you know that it was an extensive one. Well, it was even a little more extensive than we previously thought. We later learned that this type of surgery is hardly done anymore due to the low survival rate: 30%. Instead of lasting 5-7 hours, it ended up lasting 11.5 hours. Yeah, I was in surgery for nearly 12 hours. It's something I wouldn't really recommend. My family received calls every hour or so updating them on my status and the overall progress of the surgery. It was 5 hours until they received the call that the surgeons finally reached the mass they went in for. To make matters worse, part of the mass was bordering a kidney. We were blessed with a truly great surgeon, however. The other surgeons working with the main surgeon later told my parents that most surgeons would have just taken the kidney too; my surgeon simply slowed down, took his time and cut out the mass without taking my kidney.
It was then time to remove it and slice it up to run pathology on the mass. If you remember, the main concern was that there was a chance that the mass contained teratoma. Teratoma is a benign mass that is undetectable and at some point turns into a malignancy that is untreatable by any type of chemotherapy or radiation. Not only was there teratoma, there was quite a lot of it. Out of everything they removed, over 60% of it was teratoma. Surgery proved to be a prudent decision.
Because of the fact that teratoma was present, they then had to go back in and remove all of the lymph nodes in my abdomen. Then they were able to put all of the organs they had previously taken out of my body to get to the mass back inside of my body and staple me up. For those of you who are wondering, the scar is pretty nice. It's about 14 inches long and they cut around my belly-button forming a small detour in an otherwise straight path from the base of my sternum to the top of my pelvis. There were 40 staples that were a little less than 1cm apart.
I haven't had too many complications after the surgery. They expected me to be in ICU with a ventilator for at least 24 hours. I did stay in ICU for a while, but I was off the ventilator in a little less than 2 hours after the surgery. Really, that's a miracle in itself. They told me that I would be in the hospital for up to a week, and was out in 4 days. I had a lot of pain to begin with and it wasn't all great. The week after my surgery, I had some sort of stomach bug. And, if you can imagine, throwing up that close to a major abdominal surgery isn't pleasant. In fact, it is probably some of the worst pain I've ever had to experience. It literally felt like my abdomen was ripping apart. I got through that day, started doing better and then I got the stomach but again the next week. It wasn't fun, but it was considerably easier than the previous week.
Since then, everything has gotten progressively better. I've been able to go back to work and even started to jog slowly last week. I'm doing my best to not rush things but sometimes that gets difficult. You begin to feel better and you just want to get back into life. But, I have to remember that I'm still recovering from not only a major surgery, but nearly 9 months of a life-threatening disease filled with surgeries and grueling chemotherapy treatments. If I'm honest, I'm really worn-out. I'm not even close to where I used to be physically, and emotionally it's been just as hard. Yes, I've handled everything well. Yes, I've been able to get through everything better than most. Yes, I have so much to be thankful for. But, it has still taken its toll on me.
Unfortunately, I'm not quite finished yet. One more. I have one more surgery that is scheduled for August 14th. This one is to remove the small mass that has been in my chest the whole time. The mass is 2cm; it hasn't grown and it hasn't gotten any smaller through all of the treatments. This surgery won't be as extensive as the last, but it's still another surgery. They will go in through my right side, in-between my ribs. They will begin with a small incision and a scope and will do everything they can to remove the mass in that manner. Please pray that's all that has to happen. If they can't remove it with a scope they'll have to make a much larger incision on my side and then spread my ribs apart and remove it that way. I'm like anyone else, and would much rather have a smaller incision and not have to have my ribs spread apart.
Even though I have to have a surgery, I'm at the end of it all. For this I'm glad. So, as far as prayer requests go:
- Pray that I continue to recover well and there are no more complications
- Pray that I can be patient and allow my body to rest and begin to build itself back up to get prepared for this next surgery
- Pray that the next surgery goes well and that nothing major has to be done. Agree with us that it can be done quickly and just with the scope.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Update: Surgery
As many of you already know, life since my last post has been...well, normal for me. It has been truly great. Catherine and I have been able to enjoy life together as a married couple like you are supposed to be able to do as a newly-wed couple. I have been able to work full-time and I believe that I've actually accomplished a lot in the past few weeks (although I suppose that statement is highly relative seeing as how the previous few months I was only able to work in scattered doses between treatments). I've been able to run, actually run. It has been amazing to me how quickly running is coming back. I was out for months, almost on my death bed literally. When I started running at the beginning of the month I could barely make it 20 min and at a pace at which I used to warm-up and cool-down. Now, although it's still not where I was, I'm able to go run 4-7 miles at 6:40-7:00 mile pace pretty comfortably.
It is great to get back to normalcy. For so long it seemed as a mere illusion. I was caught in-between what seemed like a distant memory and a dream for the future, just to get to the point in which I am now in regards to feeling 'normal' again. And perhaps that is the very reason why this next part is so hard. We found out at the end of last week that I am going to have to undergo the surgery previously mentioned to remove what remains of the masses in my abdominal cavity. It is scheduled for next week.
I won't go into detail, but if you want to know what the surgery will be like...I believe the post before this describes it. They will cut me open, take out my 'guts' and put them aside to be able to get to the mass. Then they will remove the mass that started out over 12.5 cm and is now 4 cm. They will also remove any of the other smaller masses. Basically, anything that is not supposed to be there, they will remove (might as well...since they have me open right?).
After everything that needs to be removed is cut out, they will slice the removed masses to obtain sections to perform biopsies on them. If they are simply scar tissue (which we are believing they are) then they will be done. They can put me back together and sew me up. However, if they find any teratoma or perhaps some other form of cancer that went undetected, they will have to go back in and remove all the lymphatic tissue in my abdominal cavity.
THIS IS NOT GOOD.
To make a long story short if this happens then it would jeopardize Catherine and my ability to have children.
So please...continue in prayer. Pray that there are no complications in what will be an invasive surgery. Pray that all they find is scar tissue (or even that they open me up and find nothing at all! That would be pretty cool huh?!). Pray for a quick recovery. Pray for no infections. Pray for Catherine and my family.
Thank you all for your support through this entire journey. Although it isn't completely over yet, and surgery isn't the most exciting news...it is nice to be at the end of the journey.
It is great to get back to normalcy. For so long it seemed as a mere illusion. I was caught in-between what seemed like a distant memory and a dream for the future, just to get to the point in which I am now in regards to feeling 'normal' again. And perhaps that is the very reason why this next part is so hard. We found out at the end of last week that I am going to have to undergo the surgery previously mentioned to remove what remains of the masses in my abdominal cavity. It is scheduled for next week.
I won't go into detail, but if you want to know what the surgery will be like...I believe the post before this describes it. They will cut me open, take out my 'guts' and put them aside to be able to get to the mass. Then they will remove the mass that started out over 12.5 cm and is now 4 cm. They will also remove any of the other smaller masses. Basically, anything that is not supposed to be there, they will remove (might as well...since they have me open right?).
After everything that needs to be removed is cut out, they will slice the removed masses to obtain sections to perform biopsies on them. If they are simply scar tissue (which we are believing they are) then they will be done. They can put me back together and sew me up. However, if they find any teratoma or perhaps some other form of cancer that went undetected, they will have to go back in and remove all the lymphatic tissue in my abdominal cavity.
THIS IS NOT GOOD.
To make a long story short if this happens then it would jeopardize Catherine and my ability to have children.
So please...continue in prayer. Pray that there are no complications in what will be an invasive surgery. Pray that all they find is scar tissue (or even that they open me up and find nothing at all! That would be pretty cool huh?!). Pray for a quick recovery. Pray for no infections. Pray for Catherine and my family.
Thank you all for your support through this entire journey. Although it isn't completely over yet, and surgery isn't the most exciting news...it is nice to be at the end of the journey.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
I AM
I've known my entire life (or at least for as long as I can remember) that God is the " Great I Am". He is everything that we need him to be, when we need him to be. He never changes. Today, my dad sent me this from Joseph Prince ministries, and it spoke to me. Read it and I know you will too receive from it:
"Whatever your challenge is today, whether it is physical, emotional, financial or marital, the great I Am declares to you: “I am to you what you need Me to be.”
Do you need healing? He says, “I am the Lord who heals you. (Exodus 15:26) And as you believe Me, you will see your healing manifest thirtyfold, sixtyfold and a hundredfold.”
Are you groping in the dark, not knowing what to do? He says, “I am the light of the world. (John 8:12) When you walk in Me, you will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
Are you looking for a way out of a bad situation? He says, “I am your deliverer. I will reach down from on high, take hold of your hand and draw you out of the deep waters.” (Psalm 18:2, 16)
Are you wondering if there is more to life than merely existing from day to day? He says, “I am the resurrection and the life. (John 11:25) I came to give you life. And where there is life, there cannot be death. You will have life and life more abundantly.” (John 10:10)
Are you fearful of what is ahead of you? He says, “I am the good shepherd (John 10:11), who leads you to pastures of tender, green grass and waters of rest. You will not suffer lack.” (Psalm 23:1–3)
Are you confused by the opinions and reports of man? He says, “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last. (Revelation 1:11) I have the final word in your life. The doctors do not have the final word. The experts do not have the final word. I have the first word and the last word in your situation.”
My friend, do not be fearful of the problems you face. The great I Am declares to you, “Fear not! For I am to you what you need Me to be!”
"Whatever your challenge is today, whether it is physical, emotional, financial or marital, the great I Am declares to you: “I am to you what you need Me to be.”
Do you need healing? He says, “I am the Lord who heals you. (Exodus 15:26) And as you believe Me, you will see your healing manifest thirtyfold, sixtyfold and a hundredfold.”
Are you groping in the dark, not knowing what to do? He says, “I am the light of the world. (John 8:12) When you walk in Me, you will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
Are you looking for a way out of a bad situation? He says, “I am your deliverer. I will reach down from on high, take hold of your hand and draw you out of the deep waters.” (Psalm 18:2, 16)
Are you wondering if there is more to life than merely existing from day to day? He says, “I am the resurrection and the life. (John 11:25) I came to give you life. And where there is life, there cannot be death. You will have life and life more abundantly.” (John 10:10)
Are you fearful of what is ahead of you? He says, “I am the good shepherd (John 10:11), who leads you to pastures of tender, green grass and waters of rest. You will not suffer lack.” (Psalm 23:1–3)
Are you confused by the opinions and reports of man? He says, “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last. (Revelation 1:11) I have the final word in your life. The doctors do not have the final word. The experts do not have the final word. I have the first word and the last word in your situation.”
My friend, do not be fearful of the problems you face. The great I Am declares to you, “Fear not! For I am to you what you need Me to be!”
Monday, April 2, 2012
More Chemo??!!??
Ok, let me try and relay this information as clearly as I can. Yes, I'm getting more chemotherapy. No, the doctors don't believe that there is any cancer left. So, why more chemo? That is the question that we had to patiently seek out an answer to last week. I'm still not entirely sure I can even clearly articulate exactly why I'm here again but I will do my best.
For starters, I will try to explain what is going on with the mass in my abdomen. On my last post, I wrote about how the large tumor (12+ cm) that I had to begin with had shrunk to 2cm and that they were recommending a surgery to remove it even though there were no obvious signs of cancer. Actually, up until last Thursday that was still the same information that anyone of us had been told. On Thursday, March 29th, I met with the urologist that would be a part of the surgery so he could discuss what the surgery would entail. However, when Catherine and I arrived we received some rather surprising news.
We learned that the mass in my abdomen was not 2 cm, but actually around 4.5 cm. I know, huh? Shocking news right?!? This was the first shock. Yes, there's more. The urologist then went on to say that he was actually recommending one more cycle of chemotherapy before he would recommend the surgery.
Now, I will try to decipher the conundrum that we were faced with when we learned this news last week.
Basically, we learned that nothing had really changed. We were able to meet with a counselor who was a great mediator and communicator that did a really great job of describing to us the different vantage points of urology and oncology, and how different their reports can be. In a nutshell, it boils down to what each department is looking for. Let me explain. Hopefully I can do as well as the guy we met with.
Oncology (cancer doctor) is very specific at what they look for in a scan. They will see a mass and then try to look closer and determine points within the mass that might contain specific types of tissue. The urologist is the surgeon that would remove the mass. He simply looks at the big picture. He analyzes the scan and looks for things that shouldn't be there. He sees a mass and knows that he will have to remove the entirety of the mass, regardless of what type of tissue it contains.
So, my oncologist sees the 4.5+ cm mass but focuses on a 2 cm portion of the mass that he is worried about. There was 2 cm of something that he saw within the mass that he suspected to be tissue to be concerned about. There are still no signs of cancer. The tumor markers are 0. There is not a high mitosis rate (which would indicate cancer because it replicates and spreads at a high rate). The oncologist believes that the majority of the mass is scar tissue, all but about 2 cm of the mass. The 2 cm could be a couple of different types of tissue. Both are non cancerous. One of the types of tissue it could be is something I described in my last post: teratoma.
Teratoma, in my understanding, is actually a little more frightening than cancer in the sense of its predictability. There is none. It is benign, however will become malignant at some point. The point in time in which malignancy occurs is completely unpredictable and undetectable. Teratoma produces no tumor markers in the blood. It doesn't digest sugar at any rate comparable to cancer cells therefore can't be detected in PET scans. Quite literally, it goes from a simple non cancerous mass to a cancerous mass that is untreatable by chemotherapy or radiation at the drop of a hat. I don't understand how that can happen but I suppose if I did then I would probably not be here typing on this blog.
So, this is the type of tissue that both oncology and urology is worried about. I have a 4.5 cm mass in my abdomen. Both doctors believe that there is more than likely more scar tissue than anything because of the fact that is began as a large 12.5-14 cm mass. However, there is a possibility that there could be some teratoma (more than likely within the 2cm portion of the mass). The only way of knowing what is in the mass is actually taking the mass out and testing it, thus the surgery.
Why more chemo? That's a valid question. It's one that I don't completely understand. I'll do my best to tell you what I know.
The surgery, no matter when it might happen, would be an intense surgery. About 5 hours and at least two surgeons worth of intensity. Why so intense? It all has to do with the location of the mass. It is located behind my intestines between my spine and aorta. So, if you can imagine something fairly large lodged between your spine and your aorta and you can clearly see why I was in such immense pain in the beginning of this process. Anyways, there is no easy way to get to that location. They would have to perform what is known as a zipper surgery and I would receive a huge battle scar from it. It would consist of them cutting me open from the bottom of my sternum to the top of my pelvic bone, then taking out my intestines and laying them on top of my chest. This is just to get to where the mass is. Then, they would have to cut the mass out and while I was still under anesthesia they would slice it into pieces to run pathology reports on it.
This is where the different types of tissue comes into play. They would run the pathology reports and look at what the mass contains. If there was no reports of a certain type of tissue then they would put me all back together and I would be good to go. However, if they found some they would go back in and remove all the lymphatic tissue in my lower abdomen, on both sides.
To make a longer story somewhat shorter, this is why the surgeon recommended yet another round of chemotherapy. Both doctors are believing that I'll still have to have this surgery. The surgeon simply wanted me to go through another cycle for two reasons. The main reason was that it would lessen the chance of having to remove all of the lymphatic tissue in my abdomen. I'll explain why briefly.
The mass in on the left side of my body. The same side that the initial surgery I had to remove the cancerous testicle. Because of the location of the mass, there will be nerve damage to the autonomic nervous system. This is the part of our bodies that controls all of the functions of our body that we don't think about. More specifically, it controls all of the reproductive functions. Because of the fact that there isn't anything south of the mass on the left side (if you know what I mean), the surgeon isn't worried about damaging the nerves on that side. However, if they have to go back in and remove the lymphatic tissue on both sides it would damage the nerves on my right side (the good side) and yield infertility.
That's the major concern. The surgeon wants to increase the chance of the mass not containing the tissue that would require them to go in and remove all of the lymphatic tissue in my abdomen. Also, he simply wants to shrink the mass as much as possible. This would further define the mass and thus give him more confidence in removing all of it successfully.
Also, there is the initial size of the mass to begin with. We learned that about 95% of patients with this type of testicular cancer only have masses up to about 3 - 4 cm in size. The nature of this cancer usually produces smaller tumors that spread very rapidly through the body and into other major organs. So, for a mass to grow to a size of well over 12 cm is extremely rare for this type of cancer.
My initial treatment schedule (4 cycles) is the typical treatment schedule for advanced testicular cancer. However, I'm not the typical testicular cancer patient seeing as how the tumor I had was 3 to 4 times the size of what most patients have. With this in mind, it is only logical to assume that the normal amount of treatments wouldn't be enough.
Alright, I think that about explains why I am here. I know, it's a long confusing story and I am sure you are about as clear as mud as to why I'm back receiving chemotherapy. That is about as clear as I am, in my own understanding that is.
I'll tell you why I BELIEVE I'm back getting more chemo. Catherine and I, along with our families were basically decided on the fact that I was going to have the surgery. It was the doctors recommendation and although it was going to be a long, intense surgery we decided it was probably the best thing to do.
I believe that I'm back getting chemotherapy to allow God more time to operate my healing. This cycle of chemo will end on April 16th. At that point, we will wait four weeks and then have another scan (May 14th). That gives us about 6 weeks from today to pray. I will tell you EXACTLY what to pray for. I need this mass to be gone. Right now. I believe that God has already begun a great work and will complete it. The doctors don't even think that this cycle of chemo will do much. And it may not. BUT MY GOD IS GREATER THAN CHEMOTHERAPY. I believe that we will get to the scan in 6 weeks and there will be no mass, only a small memory of where it once was. I'm believing that the doctors will have no explanation of why there is no mass. There will only be one explanation: God is my healer, Jehovah Rapha, the great physician, as described in Exodus 15.
Agree with me, and my family. We believe that there will be no need for a surgery and that this round of chemo is simply evidence of God stepping in and giving us a little bit more time to unleash the power of prayer. So please, be apart of a miracle and spread this blog. There is power in prayer and power in numbers. Get on facebook, twitter, email, the phone, whatever. Spread the word. Commit to spending time in the next 6 weeks to continue a directed effort straight to this "mass" in my abdomen. I see it as gone. I see myself as complete, whole, and lacking nothing that would keep me from a clean bill of health.
And, as usual, in these weeks of chemo pray that the chemo would only affect the mass and nothing else in my body. Pray that there would be no temporary or long-term side effects resulting from more chemotherapy. Above all else, pray that the name of Jesus would be magnified and glorified through all of this.
-Kirby
For starters, I will try to explain what is going on with the mass in my abdomen. On my last post, I wrote about how the large tumor (12+ cm) that I had to begin with had shrunk to 2cm and that they were recommending a surgery to remove it even though there were no obvious signs of cancer. Actually, up until last Thursday that was still the same information that anyone of us had been told. On Thursday, March 29th, I met with the urologist that would be a part of the surgery so he could discuss what the surgery would entail. However, when Catherine and I arrived we received some rather surprising news.
We learned that the mass in my abdomen was not 2 cm, but actually around 4.5 cm. I know, huh? Shocking news right?!? This was the first shock. Yes, there's more. The urologist then went on to say that he was actually recommending one more cycle of chemotherapy before he would recommend the surgery.
Now, I will try to decipher the conundrum that we were faced with when we learned this news last week.
Basically, we learned that nothing had really changed. We were able to meet with a counselor who was a great mediator and communicator that did a really great job of describing to us the different vantage points of urology and oncology, and how different their reports can be. In a nutshell, it boils down to what each department is looking for. Let me explain. Hopefully I can do as well as the guy we met with.
Oncology (cancer doctor) is very specific at what they look for in a scan. They will see a mass and then try to look closer and determine points within the mass that might contain specific types of tissue. The urologist is the surgeon that would remove the mass. He simply looks at the big picture. He analyzes the scan and looks for things that shouldn't be there. He sees a mass and knows that he will have to remove the entirety of the mass, regardless of what type of tissue it contains.
So, my oncologist sees the 4.5+ cm mass but focuses on a 2 cm portion of the mass that he is worried about. There was 2 cm of something that he saw within the mass that he suspected to be tissue to be concerned about. There are still no signs of cancer. The tumor markers are 0. There is not a high mitosis rate (which would indicate cancer because it replicates and spreads at a high rate). The oncologist believes that the majority of the mass is scar tissue, all but about 2 cm of the mass. The 2 cm could be a couple of different types of tissue. Both are non cancerous. One of the types of tissue it could be is something I described in my last post: teratoma.
Teratoma, in my understanding, is actually a little more frightening than cancer in the sense of its predictability. There is none. It is benign, however will become malignant at some point. The point in time in which malignancy occurs is completely unpredictable and undetectable. Teratoma produces no tumor markers in the blood. It doesn't digest sugar at any rate comparable to cancer cells therefore can't be detected in PET scans. Quite literally, it goes from a simple non cancerous mass to a cancerous mass that is untreatable by chemotherapy or radiation at the drop of a hat. I don't understand how that can happen but I suppose if I did then I would probably not be here typing on this blog.
So, this is the type of tissue that both oncology and urology is worried about. I have a 4.5 cm mass in my abdomen. Both doctors believe that there is more than likely more scar tissue than anything because of the fact that is began as a large 12.5-14 cm mass. However, there is a possibility that there could be some teratoma (more than likely within the 2cm portion of the mass). The only way of knowing what is in the mass is actually taking the mass out and testing it, thus the surgery.
Why more chemo? That's a valid question. It's one that I don't completely understand. I'll do my best to tell you what I know.
The surgery, no matter when it might happen, would be an intense surgery. About 5 hours and at least two surgeons worth of intensity. Why so intense? It all has to do with the location of the mass. It is located behind my intestines between my spine and aorta. So, if you can imagine something fairly large lodged between your spine and your aorta and you can clearly see why I was in such immense pain in the beginning of this process. Anyways, there is no easy way to get to that location. They would have to perform what is known as a zipper surgery and I would receive a huge battle scar from it. It would consist of them cutting me open from the bottom of my sternum to the top of my pelvic bone, then taking out my intestines and laying them on top of my chest. This is just to get to where the mass is. Then, they would have to cut the mass out and while I was still under anesthesia they would slice it into pieces to run pathology reports on it.
This is where the different types of tissue comes into play. They would run the pathology reports and look at what the mass contains. If there was no reports of a certain type of tissue then they would put me all back together and I would be good to go. However, if they found some they would go back in and remove all the lymphatic tissue in my lower abdomen, on both sides.
To make a longer story somewhat shorter, this is why the surgeon recommended yet another round of chemotherapy. Both doctors are believing that I'll still have to have this surgery. The surgeon simply wanted me to go through another cycle for two reasons. The main reason was that it would lessen the chance of having to remove all of the lymphatic tissue in my abdomen. I'll explain why briefly.
The mass in on the left side of my body. The same side that the initial surgery I had to remove the cancerous testicle. Because of the location of the mass, there will be nerve damage to the autonomic nervous system. This is the part of our bodies that controls all of the functions of our body that we don't think about. More specifically, it controls all of the reproductive functions. Because of the fact that there isn't anything south of the mass on the left side (if you know what I mean), the surgeon isn't worried about damaging the nerves on that side. However, if they have to go back in and remove the lymphatic tissue on both sides it would damage the nerves on my right side (the good side) and yield infertility.
That's the major concern. The surgeon wants to increase the chance of the mass not containing the tissue that would require them to go in and remove all of the lymphatic tissue in my abdomen. Also, he simply wants to shrink the mass as much as possible. This would further define the mass and thus give him more confidence in removing all of it successfully.
Also, there is the initial size of the mass to begin with. We learned that about 95% of patients with this type of testicular cancer only have masses up to about 3 - 4 cm in size. The nature of this cancer usually produces smaller tumors that spread very rapidly through the body and into other major organs. So, for a mass to grow to a size of well over 12 cm is extremely rare for this type of cancer.
My initial treatment schedule (4 cycles) is the typical treatment schedule for advanced testicular cancer. However, I'm not the typical testicular cancer patient seeing as how the tumor I had was 3 to 4 times the size of what most patients have. With this in mind, it is only logical to assume that the normal amount of treatments wouldn't be enough.
Alright, I think that about explains why I am here. I know, it's a long confusing story and I am sure you are about as clear as mud as to why I'm back receiving chemotherapy. That is about as clear as I am, in my own understanding that is.
I'll tell you why I BELIEVE I'm back getting more chemo. Catherine and I, along with our families were basically decided on the fact that I was going to have the surgery. It was the doctors recommendation and although it was going to be a long, intense surgery we decided it was probably the best thing to do.
I believe that I'm back getting chemotherapy to allow God more time to operate my healing. This cycle of chemo will end on April 16th. At that point, we will wait four weeks and then have another scan (May 14th). That gives us about 6 weeks from today to pray. I will tell you EXACTLY what to pray for. I need this mass to be gone. Right now. I believe that God has already begun a great work and will complete it. The doctors don't even think that this cycle of chemo will do much. And it may not. BUT MY GOD IS GREATER THAN CHEMOTHERAPY. I believe that we will get to the scan in 6 weeks and there will be no mass, only a small memory of where it once was. I'm believing that the doctors will have no explanation of why there is no mass. There will only be one explanation: God is my healer, Jehovah Rapha, the great physician, as described in Exodus 15.
Agree with me, and my family. We believe that there will be no need for a surgery and that this round of chemo is simply evidence of God stepping in and giving us a little bit more time to unleash the power of prayer. So please, be apart of a miracle and spread this blog. There is power in prayer and power in numbers. Get on facebook, twitter, email, the phone, whatever. Spread the word. Commit to spending time in the next 6 weeks to continue a directed effort straight to this "mass" in my abdomen. I see it as gone. I see myself as complete, whole, and lacking nothing that would keep me from a clean bill of health.
And, as usual, in these weeks of chemo pray that the chemo would only affect the mass and nothing else in my body. Pray that there would be no temporary or long-term side effects resulting from more chemotherapy. Above all else, pray that the name of Jesus would be magnified and glorified through all of this.
-Kirby
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Cancer Free!!
So, many of you may have already heard the news. I had a follow up appointment today to get the results of the PET scan I had last week. The results were great: no signs of cancer!
However, there was some slightly disappointing news. The mass that started out at 14 cm before treatments is not totally gone. There is still about 2 cm left. The scan showed no signs of it being cancerous which is good, but the recommendation was to have a surgery to remove it anyways.
I asked my oncologist what the chances were that the remaining 2 cm is just scar tissue and he said that in his opinion he believes that is the case. However, there is no way to determine exactly what it is unless they do the surgery. There is a chance that there could be a type of benign tumor known as teratoma left within the 2 cm mass. Like I said earlier, it isn't cancerous but if there is any teratoma then there's a possibility that it could develop into cancer later in life. This is ultimately the reason why surgery is recommended: to completely eliminate every possibility of cancer.
So, we will meet with the urologist that would perform the surgery to discuss everything. We can either get the surgery and then go back for scans every six months for a while, or opt out of the surgery and go in for scans every three months for a long time.
Continue to be in prayer for us. I'm healed and ecstatic, but we still need wisdom on what steps to take regarding surgery. I obviously don't want another surgery; however, I also don't want to go in for scans forever.
God is amazing and He gave me the strength to get through all of this crap. I'm completely confident that if I do end up having another surgery that I'll get through that just as seamlessly, and that it will just give more glory to God and bring even more people closer to Him.
However, there was some slightly disappointing news. The mass that started out at 14 cm before treatments is not totally gone. There is still about 2 cm left. The scan showed no signs of it being cancerous which is good, but the recommendation was to have a surgery to remove it anyways.
I asked my oncologist what the chances were that the remaining 2 cm is just scar tissue and he said that in his opinion he believes that is the case. However, there is no way to determine exactly what it is unless they do the surgery. There is a chance that there could be a type of benign tumor known as teratoma left within the 2 cm mass. Like I said earlier, it isn't cancerous but if there is any teratoma then there's a possibility that it could develop into cancer later in life. This is ultimately the reason why surgery is recommended: to completely eliminate every possibility of cancer.
So, we will meet with the urologist that would perform the surgery to discuss everything. We can either get the surgery and then go back for scans every six months for a while, or opt out of the surgery and go in for scans every three months for a long time.
Continue to be in prayer for us. I'm healed and ecstatic, but we still need wisdom on what steps to take regarding surgery. I obviously don't want another surgery; however, I also don't want to go in for scans forever.
God is amazing and He gave me the strength to get through all of this crap. I'm completely confident that if I do end up having another surgery that I'll get through that just as seamlessly, and that it will just give more glory to God and bring even more people closer to Him.
Monday, February 6, 2012
The Finish Line
Today was my last treatment! I finally crossed the finish line of the hardest, longest race of my life. I'd like to say it has been fun, but it hasn't really. It's a little strange to be here. I'm not sure I even realize that the finish line is actually here. That may sound strange, but it's the truth. When your life is immersed in a daily battle like cancer, it seems as if the end will never come. Now that it is finally here, it seems false. It's like walking through the desert, longing for even a drip of water. Your body is shutting down. You feel like you're about to dry out, literally. Then you see a life source. A solution to your thirst. You see water. Or is it a mirage? Today, as I crossed the finish line it's as if my mind is telling me it's only a mirage. Stay focused. It's not reality. Yet it is. I know it is in my heart. As Jesus said, "It is Finished."
I've had a similar occurrence in my life, and it was in my racing. I finally won a National Championship my senior year of college. It was something I had dreamed about and worked toward for years. It was something that had alluded me. It was something that I knew I was capable of, but didn't know for sure if I would ever actually achieve. It was my focus. It was my goal. Then, in a matter of a couple of minutes and 1000 meters, it was there. I crossed the finish line before any one else.
It definitely wasn't the first time I had placed first in a race. I have a drawer full of t-shirts proving that fact (most collegiate track meets hand out a t shirt to the winner of an event rather than a medal or plaque). I just had never won a race of that magnitude.
As soon as I crossed the line I knew I had won, but it took me a while to realize it. I had another race less than an hour after my championship effort, so there wasn't time to realize that I had just won a national championship. I had to get focused and prepared for the relay that was to come. I felt as if there was much more riding on the relay race than on the race I had just won. There was. In the 1000m race I has just won, it was just me. Sure, my points helped the team but I was the only winner of that race. As soon as I finished I began to think about the three teammates that would take the baton after me in the relay. I began to think about the entire team that was depending on our relay for hopes of a team championship. That I had won a national championship hadn't really crossed my mind yet.
I wish I could tell you that our relay won, and it propelled our team to another indoor national championship for the school. But that didn't happen. I ran well, but not fast enough. Not as fast as needed. I ran a 3:00 for 1200 meters and handed the baton off in first place but by too slim of a margin. I needed to be a couple of seconds faster to set our relay up for the win. The cards didn't fall right for the rest of the relay and we ended up in a disappointing 4th place finish, allowing our team to finish in 2nd in the overall point standings.
You would think that after the track meet that I would have finally realized the championship, but you would be wrong. There was still more to focus on. That race was during the indoor track season, so as soon as it was over the outdoor season began. It was time to focus on the next goal, a team outdoor national championship. And, to make a long story short, we achieved that goal. I didn't win another race on my own. I placed 2nd in the 800m, and anchored our 4x800m relay to a 2nd place finish. Nobody was disappointed though, because as a team we battled over three days to win the first men's outdoor national championship in school history. It wasn't until this that I was finally able to understand the reality of the race I had won almost three months prior.
I pray that I realize this victory sooner. You can join with me in this. Pray that my body recovers quickly. Pray that I can get back to my typical daily routine quickly. Pray that all my hair grows back quickly! Pray that the next scan shows that I truly have victory and no more cancer. That I am healthy, whole, complete, and lacking nothing. Pray that the facts line up with the truth. I know I'm healed. Most of you know I'm healed. Now it's time for the doctors to know I'm healed.
I've had a similar occurrence in my life, and it was in my racing. I finally won a National Championship my senior year of college. It was something I had dreamed about and worked toward for years. It was something that had alluded me. It was something that I knew I was capable of, but didn't know for sure if I would ever actually achieve. It was my focus. It was my goal. Then, in a matter of a couple of minutes and 1000 meters, it was there. I crossed the finish line before any one else.
It definitely wasn't the first time I had placed first in a race. I have a drawer full of t-shirts proving that fact (most collegiate track meets hand out a t shirt to the winner of an event rather than a medal or plaque). I just had never won a race of that magnitude.
As soon as I crossed the line I knew I had won, but it took me a while to realize it. I had another race less than an hour after my championship effort, so there wasn't time to realize that I had just won a national championship. I had to get focused and prepared for the relay that was to come. I felt as if there was much more riding on the relay race than on the race I had just won. There was. In the 1000m race I has just won, it was just me. Sure, my points helped the team but I was the only winner of that race. As soon as I finished I began to think about the three teammates that would take the baton after me in the relay. I began to think about the entire team that was depending on our relay for hopes of a team championship. That I had won a national championship hadn't really crossed my mind yet.
I wish I could tell you that our relay won, and it propelled our team to another indoor national championship for the school. But that didn't happen. I ran well, but not fast enough. Not as fast as needed. I ran a 3:00 for 1200 meters and handed the baton off in first place but by too slim of a margin. I needed to be a couple of seconds faster to set our relay up for the win. The cards didn't fall right for the rest of the relay and we ended up in a disappointing 4th place finish, allowing our team to finish in 2nd in the overall point standings.
You would think that after the track meet that I would have finally realized the championship, but you would be wrong. There was still more to focus on. That race was during the indoor track season, so as soon as it was over the outdoor season began. It was time to focus on the next goal, a team outdoor national championship. And, to make a long story short, we achieved that goal. I didn't win another race on my own. I placed 2nd in the 800m, and anchored our 4x800m relay to a 2nd place finish. Nobody was disappointed though, because as a team we battled over three days to win the first men's outdoor national championship in school history. It wasn't until this that I was finally able to understand the reality of the race I had won almost three months prior.
I pray that I realize this victory sooner. You can join with me in this. Pray that my body recovers quickly. Pray that I can get back to my typical daily routine quickly. Pray that all my hair grows back quickly! Pray that the next scan shows that I truly have victory and no more cancer. That I am healthy, whole, complete, and lacking nothing. Pray that the facts line up with the truth. I know I'm healed. Most of you know I'm healed. Now it's time for the doctors to know I'm healed.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Decisions, Decisions
I was thinking today, as I sit in this chair receiving more chemotherapy. Ok, so I pretty much am thinking all the time but that's beside the point. Anyways, I was thinking about life. I was thinking about where I am and where I've been. I was reflecting on the decisions I have made thus far in life. Really, I don't think I've made bad decisions in life. At least not that many.
This lead to me think about the fact that from an extremely young age, we begin to make decisions in life. While we are young we begin to choose things and hopefully there is some sort of at least sufficient parenting present to help shape and guide those decisions. And, as we get older, the decisions seem to increase both in number and importance.
If you really think about all the decisions you have to make in life it can get overwhelming quickly. Who we spend our time with, how we spend our money, what we eat, what we watch and listen to, what we read. These are all examples of choices that we make each and everyday that ultimately begin to shape our reality. And these are just the conscious decisions we make. What about all of the decisions we make without even thinking? How we respond and react to the things that life throws our way, whether good or bad, could simply be defined as another choice.
This lead me to ponder about my situation a little. Cancer. Did I choose it? Why did it happen? How did it happen? Of course, I have to stop quickly when I start forming those thoughts. These are dangerous thoughts. It's too easy to enter into judgment, of self, and even of God. It isn't my place to try and figure out why I'm here.
But still, I think about this thought. I find myself in bad situation. A situation that I seemingly had no choice in. Really, it simply leads to yet another decision. How do I respond?
If you've been following my blog at all I hope you have been able to see my response. I believe that I've been responding well to the situation. More and more I realize that God is less and less concerned with us being in perfect situations. In truth, it matters much more how we respond to whatever it is that comes our way.
So how do we respond well? I believe it is fairly simple.
The Bible teaches us that we live life from our hearts. Ultimately whatever is in our hearts will come out and form our world. Every decision we make, is governed by our heart. That's why it says to guard out hearts.
To take it just a little further what is in our hearts is formed by our belief systems. What we believe about who God is. What we believe about who we are in Him. Am I loved and accepted? Do I belong? Do I have what it takes in this life?
And isn't it funny, what you believe in your heart is what? You guessed it, another choice!
Decisions, decisions. Maybe this is all a little overwhelming. Maybe it's confusing. I'll try to sum it all up. Today, concentrate and make some good choices. Im not talking about your diet or you finances. Make some choices to shape your beliefs. Speak the truth into your life. Choose to believe Gods Word instead of whatever circumstance you find yourself in.
That's how I've made it through this
cancer crap. Excuse my language. It's not about denying the facts. It was a very real fact that I had quite a lot of cancer in my body. I faced the facts, but didn't embrace them. I chose to believe the Truth that says I'm healed. I reacted with the truth. And through it all I have known and believed that God loves me, and that I'm valuable to Him. Yeah, sometimes that's hard when you find yourself in a trial or tragedy, but it doesn't change the truth.
Just because I got cancer doesn't change who I am. I am an overcomer. I am more than a conquerer. I am a beloved son. God still loves me. God still cares for me. And you know what? I'll be honest. There have been times during this ordeal in which believing those things were hard. There were times when I didn't really feel it. I mean its easy to ask the question "How could the God that loves and cares for me allow me to have cancer?" But I still chose to respond by believing in the Truth. Jesus still loves me. The Bible tells me so. Believe that, despite your circumstance, and it will go well for you. Trust me, you'll get a peace that surpasses understanding when you begin to choose to align your beliefs with the truth of God's word.
This lead to me think about the fact that from an extremely young age, we begin to make decisions in life. While we are young we begin to choose things and hopefully there is some sort of at least sufficient parenting present to help shape and guide those decisions. And, as we get older, the decisions seem to increase both in number and importance.
If you really think about all the decisions you have to make in life it can get overwhelming quickly. Who we spend our time with, how we spend our money, what we eat, what we watch and listen to, what we read. These are all examples of choices that we make each and everyday that ultimately begin to shape our reality. And these are just the conscious decisions we make. What about all of the decisions we make without even thinking? How we respond and react to the things that life throws our way, whether good or bad, could simply be defined as another choice.
This lead me to ponder about my situation a little. Cancer. Did I choose it? Why did it happen? How did it happen? Of course, I have to stop quickly when I start forming those thoughts. These are dangerous thoughts. It's too easy to enter into judgment, of self, and even of God. It isn't my place to try and figure out why I'm here.
But still, I think about this thought. I find myself in bad situation. A situation that I seemingly had no choice in. Really, it simply leads to yet another decision. How do I respond?
If you've been following my blog at all I hope you have been able to see my response. I believe that I've been responding well to the situation. More and more I realize that God is less and less concerned with us being in perfect situations. In truth, it matters much more how we respond to whatever it is that comes our way.
So how do we respond well? I believe it is fairly simple.
The Bible teaches us that we live life from our hearts. Ultimately whatever is in our hearts will come out and form our world. Every decision we make, is governed by our heart. That's why it says to guard out hearts.
To take it just a little further what is in our hearts is formed by our belief systems. What we believe about who God is. What we believe about who we are in Him. Am I loved and accepted? Do I belong? Do I have what it takes in this life?
And isn't it funny, what you believe in your heart is what? You guessed it, another choice!
Decisions, decisions. Maybe this is all a little overwhelming. Maybe it's confusing. I'll try to sum it all up. Today, concentrate and make some good choices. Im not talking about your diet or you finances. Make some choices to shape your beliefs. Speak the truth into your life. Choose to believe Gods Word instead of whatever circumstance you find yourself in.
That's how I've made it through this
cancer crap. Excuse my language. It's not about denying the facts. It was a very real fact that I had quite a lot of cancer in my body. I faced the facts, but didn't embrace them. I chose to believe the Truth that says I'm healed. I reacted with the truth. And through it all I have known and believed that God loves me, and that I'm valuable to Him. Yeah, sometimes that's hard when you find yourself in a trial or tragedy, but it doesn't change the truth.
Just because I got cancer doesn't change who I am. I am an overcomer. I am more than a conquerer. I am a beloved son. God still loves me. God still cares for me. And you know what? I'll be honest. There have been times during this ordeal in which believing those things were hard. There were times when I didn't really feel it. I mean its easy to ask the question "How could the God that loves and cares for me allow me to have cancer?" But I still chose to respond by believing in the Truth. Jesus still loves me. The Bible tells me so. Believe that, despite your circumstance, and it will go well for you. Trust me, you'll get a peace that surpasses understanding when you begin to choose to align your beliefs with the truth of God's word.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
The Bell Lap
For any of you who have ran a distance race, or at least watched one in its entirety then you have at least some knowledge of what I mean by the "Bell Lap". For those who haven't experienced this, I'll enlighten you.
In distance racing (a race longer than 400m, or one lap) the bell lap signifies the final lap of the race. As soon as the race leader crosses the start/finish line of his or her race, a large bell is loudly rang quickly and repeatedly signaling to the runners and spectators alike that the race is approaching completion. In some facilities where there isn't a bell, the starting official fires the starting pistol used to start the race instead, and is therefore called the 'gun' lap. If you are or were a sprinter then you probably haven't experienced the phenomena of the bell lap for fairly obvious reasons (your race wasn't long enough for one and you were thinking God for that, right?). So, take a moment and enter into the world of the bell lap.
If you read my post on the perfect race you'll remember my analogy of my chemotherapy and racing the mile. If you haven't read that post you should go read it really quickly and come back to this post. But, in short, there are four laps in a mile and four 'laps' or cycles of treatment. In the previous post, the concentration was on the third lap and it's importance. While the third lap is the most important lap, the final lap is always the most exciting.
It never fails, when you hear the ringing of the bell it does something inside of you. The tone and urgency of the ringing produces a surge of adrenaline that propels you to finish. The third lap is often times grueling and you end it many times feeling as if you are spent, not only physically but mentally. Then the bell sounds and you instantly know the race is almost complete.
It's a funny thing, that bell. I've been in many different positions when that bell sounds loudly. It never mattered if I was in the lead or in the back of the pack, it resulted in the same response, PUSH!! You do everything you can to start speeding up, gearing up for a final surge or "kick". If you're in the lead, or close to it, you speed up because you know you have a chance to win. If you're in the back you speed up not to get last, or in some cases even 'lapped' by the leader (when the leader passes the person or people in the back because they are a lap behind). No matter the case, when the bell sounds, you speed up and the race gets more interesting.
There is typically more movement of position in the final lap then in any other point of the race other than the first few meters as runners are jostling for position. Often times, there is a runner that may have led most of the race and suddenly gets overtaken once the bell lap starts.
Every runner has a race strategy. On race weeks, you could find me in class not taking notes of the lectures, rather righting down lap times or 'splits'. Analyzing as many possible situations as possible, I would think for days before the race. I would think to myself "if I happen to be in the lead from the start, I to set the pace at a solid 60-62 seconds", "if I let someone else take the lead, I can wait a lap and adjust accordingly." Although, "if I do wait, there's no telling what the pace will be". Thus, the jotting down of different split possibilities that would equal my target time for the week.
You can never predict how a race will go exactly, you can only prepare your race and be prepared to react to what may happen when you're in the moment. Most races I had were strictly for time, so I could react every 200 meters or so regardless of position. If I was on pace then I could keep going. Behind pace I knew I needed to speed up, but not too much too quickly. Ahead of pace, I could either keep on going if I felt as if I could sustain, or slow down to the prepared pace. However, in a race in which it all comes down to the end position it all comes down to the bell lap.
Championship distance races are generally like this. It doesn't matter in any way what your time is, you're simply going for the victory whether that means a National Championship or to be an All-American. I ran in 8 National Championship races in college, meaning I advanced from the preliminary round(s) to the final at the National Championship 8 times. I was fortunate to place in the top five of all of those races, finishing in the top three five times and winning one. In every one of the races besides my national title, the race was decided in the bell lap. They started at a fairly slow pace and everyone waited for someone else to make a move first. Everyone at that level knows that it takes more energy to lead than it does to follow, and in a race at that level you usually don't have much energy to spare.
Someone almost always makes a move around the middle of the race which usually separates the race into one or more "packs" of runners. Your goal is to always stay with the lead pack, whether it's on the heels of the leader or in the back of the lead pack you're still within striking distance. You have to do whatever it takes to maintain the pace of that lead pack if you want even a remote chance of winning. Once the leader, and thus the lead pack hits the bell lap the race really begins. While it usually isn't a final kick, there is a an obvious surge of energy. Typically right past the middle of that bell lap you generally see the beginning of the kick, it's literally whatever you have left in the tank. A gut check. Oddly enough, several of my races came down literally to a photo finish even though they were distance races. In fact, I was once in a two-mile race in which the officials had to watch the video of the finish over 50 times to determine the top three finishers. They decided I was second, but I think I won. Nevertheless, we had the same time down to the thousandth of a second. That race was a championship race definitely decided by the bell lap.
I could ramble on for a very long time about all of this, but I'm really just getting to my main point. I'll make it quick. I'm on the bell lap of my cancer treatments. In most of my races during my collegiate career I began the bell lap behind the leaders. In some cases a good distance behind. But I always knew that no matter if I was 5 inches behind or 50 meters behind that the race still wasn't over. And as the people cheering me on would be nervously waiting for me to make my move wondering if I would ever just turn it on and start catching everyone, I would patiently and confidently wait until I knew exactly when to go. And, whether that was before the bell lap began or 150m in, I knew what I needed to do and almost every time I did exactly what needed to be done to finish in the top places.
I had a CT scan last Friday. It was the first one that had been done since before the treatments. This morning we met with my oncologist to discuss my progress and the scan results. If you remember, or if you don't, I had a very large tumor in my lower abdomen. It got as large as 14cm by the time we started treatments. My oncologist said it was one of the largest he has ever personally seen and worked with. And although I didn't ask him, I'm sure that there is a good chance that the ones that have been larger than 14cm may have very well been in bodies that could host larger tumors. If you've never seen me in person, I'm almost 6'1" and 155 lbs, and a distance runner at that. I'm not too sure that my build could possibly have an internal abdominal tumor much larger than 14cm.
Anyways, the CT scan was good, but not perfect. It showed that the 14cm tumor is now 3cm. We were told that there's a possibility that much of that 3cm could simply be scar tissue, but it also could still be cancer. There was also some other small masses found on the CT scan, but overall there has been a vast improvement. If you do the math (which I did) the large tumor has been decreasing at a rate of over 3cm per cycle anyways. So, even if it just keeps on at this average pace then there will be nothing left.
This is what we need agreement with and prayer for. Everything completely gone. In our discussion with the oncologist this morning, he decided that we will do another type of CT scan four weeks after the treatments are complete which is roughly seven weeks from now. At that point, if there is anything left 1cm or above then they will recommend that I have another surgery to go in and remove it. We believe that discussion won't even need to happen because it will all be gone.
So, I know this has been a long one but I have a lot of time on my hands to write. I know you will continue to pray but I want to ask you to do something else. If you haven't already, spread the word of this blog. It's not hard. The icons below each post make it easy. Or you can just share the link on Facebook. I'm a believer in prayer by the masses. And, I hope that this blog will be an inspiration to the masses.
-Kirby
In distance racing (a race longer than 400m, or one lap) the bell lap signifies the final lap of the race. As soon as the race leader crosses the start/finish line of his or her race, a large bell is loudly rang quickly and repeatedly signaling to the runners and spectators alike that the race is approaching completion. In some facilities where there isn't a bell, the starting official fires the starting pistol used to start the race instead, and is therefore called the 'gun' lap. If you are or were a sprinter then you probably haven't experienced the phenomena of the bell lap for fairly obvious reasons (your race wasn't long enough for one and you were thinking God for that, right?). So, take a moment and enter into the world of the bell lap.
If you read my post on the perfect race you'll remember my analogy of my chemotherapy and racing the mile. If you haven't read that post you should go read it really quickly and come back to this post. But, in short, there are four laps in a mile and four 'laps' or cycles of treatment. In the previous post, the concentration was on the third lap and it's importance. While the third lap is the most important lap, the final lap is always the most exciting.
It never fails, when you hear the ringing of the bell it does something inside of you. The tone and urgency of the ringing produces a surge of adrenaline that propels you to finish. The third lap is often times grueling and you end it many times feeling as if you are spent, not only physically but mentally. Then the bell sounds and you instantly know the race is almost complete.
It's a funny thing, that bell. I've been in many different positions when that bell sounds loudly. It never mattered if I was in the lead or in the back of the pack, it resulted in the same response, PUSH!! You do everything you can to start speeding up, gearing up for a final surge or "kick". If you're in the lead, or close to it, you speed up because you know you have a chance to win. If you're in the back you speed up not to get last, or in some cases even 'lapped' by the leader (when the leader passes the person or people in the back because they are a lap behind). No matter the case, when the bell sounds, you speed up and the race gets more interesting.
There is typically more movement of position in the final lap then in any other point of the race other than the first few meters as runners are jostling for position. Often times, there is a runner that may have led most of the race and suddenly gets overtaken once the bell lap starts.
Every runner has a race strategy. On race weeks, you could find me in class not taking notes of the lectures, rather righting down lap times or 'splits'. Analyzing as many possible situations as possible, I would think for days before the race. I would think to myself "if I happen to be in the lead from the start, I to set the pace at a solid 60-62 seconds", "if I let someone else take the lead, I can wait a lap and adjust accordingly." Although, "if I do wait, there's no telling what the pace will be". Thus, the jotting down of different split possibilities that would equal my target time for the week.
You can never predict how a race will go exactly, you can only prepare your race and be prepared to react to what may happen when you're in the moment. Most races I had were strictly for time, so I could react every 200 meters or so regardless of position. If I was on pace then I could keep going. Behind pace I knew I needed to speed up, but not too much too quickly. Ahead of pace, I could either keep on going if I felt as if I could sustain, or slow down to the prepared pace. However, in a race in which it all comes down to the end position it all comes down to the bell lap.
Championship distance races are generally like this. It doesn't matter in any way what your time is, you're simply going for the victory whether that means a National Championship or to be an All-American. I ran in 8 National Championship races in college, meaning I advanced from the preliminary round(s) to the final at the National Championship 8 times. I was fortunate to place in the top five of all of those races, finishing in the top three five times and winning one. In every one of the races besides my national title, the race was decided in the bell lap. They started at a fairly slow pace and everyone waited for someone else to make a move first. Everyone at that level knows that it takes more energy to lead than it does to follow, and in a race at that level you usually don't have much energy to spare.
Someone almost always makes a move around the middle of the race which usually separates the race into one or more "packs" of runners. Your goal is to always stay with the lead pack, whether it's on the heels of the leader or in the back of the lead pack you're still within striking distance. You have to do whatever it takes to maintain the pace of that lead pack if you want even a remote chance of winning. Once the leader, and thus the lead pack hits the bell lap the race really begins. While it usually isn't a final kick, there is a an obvious surge of energy. Typically right past the middle of that bell lap you generally see the beginning of the kick, it's literally whatever you have left in the tank. A gut check. Oddly enough, several of my races came down literally to a photo finish even though they were distance races. In fact, I was once in a two-mile race in which the officials had to watch the video of the finish over 50 times to determine the top three finishers. They decided I was second, but I think I won. Nevertheless, we had the same time down to the thousandth of a second. That race was a championship race definitely decided by the bell lap.
I could ramble on for a very long time about all of this, but I'm really just getting to my main point. I'll make it quick. I'm on the bell lap of my cancer treatments. In most of my races during my collegiate career I began the bell lap behind the leaders. In some cases a good distance behind. But I always knew that no matter if I was 5 inches behind or 50 meters behind that the race still wasn't over. And as the people cheering me on would be nervously waiting for me to make my move wondering if I would ever just turn it on and start catching everyone, I would patiently and confidently wait until I knew exactly when to go. And, whether that was before the bell lap began or 150m in, I knew what I needed to do and almost every time I did exactly what needed to be done to finish in the top places.
I had a CT scan last Friday. It was the first one that had been done since before the treatments. This morning we met with my oncologist to discuss my progress and the scan results. If you remember, or if you don't, I had a very large tumor in my lower abdomen. It got as large as 14cm by the time we started treatments. My oncologist said it was one of the largest he has ever personally seen and worked with. And although I didn't ask him, I'm sure that there is a good chance that the ones that have been larger than 14cm may have very well been in bodies that could host larger tumors. If you've never seen me in person, I'm almost 6'1" and 155 lbs, and a distance runner at that. I'm not too sure that my build could possibly have an internal abdominal tumor much larger than 14cm.
Anyways, the CT scan was good, but not perfect. It showed that the 14cm tumor is now 3cm. We were told that there's a possibility that much of that 3cm could simply be scar tissue, but it also could still be cancer. There was also some other small masses found on the CT scan, but overall there has been a vast improvement. If you do the math (which I did) the large tumor has been decreasing at a rate of over 3cm per cycle anyways. So, even if it just keeps on at this average pace then there will be nothing left.
This is what we need agreement with and prayer for. Everything completely gone. In our discussion with the oncologist this morning, he decided that we will do another type of CT scan four weeks after the treatments are complete which is roughly seven weeks from now. At that point, if there is anything left 1cm or above then they will recommend that I have another surgery to go in and remove it. We believe that discussion won't even need to happen because it will all be gone.
So, I know this has been a long one but I have a lot of time on my hands to write. I know you will continue to pray but I want to ask you to do something else. If you haven't already, spread the word of this blog. It's not hard. The icons below each post make it easy. Or you can just share the link on Facebook. I'm a believer in prayer by the masses. And, I hope that this blog will be an inspiration to the masses.
-Kirby
Sunday, January 15, 2012
The End is Near...Or Is It The Beginning?
So, it's been a while since I've posted to the blog. I'm not sure why. I think maybe I just got tired of everything. I got tired of talking about it. I got tired of writing about it. But I realized that talking and writing about my circumstance really was apart of my healing.
Sometimes we find ourselves in situations in which the last thing we want to do is talk about them. Yet that is exactly what we must do. It's what the disciple whom Jesus loved calls "living in the light" (open your Bible to 1 John and read a little bit to find the reference). I don't think he was just talking about sin there. I think that being transparent is just something that's plain healthy. It gets the negative mojo out, so-to-speak. Unresolved negative emotions are like poison and let me tell ya, I don't need any more or other types of poison right now because the chemo is more than enough.
Anyways, all that to say this: I'm back to the blog to keep everyone updated.
We got some really great news even before the third cycle began. On the very first treatment day of cycle three my blood was drawn to run the usual tests. All my counts were good. Perhaps the best count was actually a count that has been going down: my tumor markers.
There are two tumor markers. One is called the beta hCG. This, interestingly enough is also the same hormone produced in pregnancy. Your everyday pregnancy test actually tests for an elevated beta hCG level. So, if I would have taken a pregnancy test, it would have been positive! The other tumor marker is called Alpha-fetoprotein. I don't really have an interesting story for that one. All I really know is that if it is elevated in men, it's most likely a sign of cancer. Thus the reason it's called a 'tumor marker'.
Both of these markers were back down to almost normal levels when they did my blood work before starting the first treatment on day one of the third cycle. The next week, the beta hCG was completely normal and the the other had been reduced by over half but was still slightly elevated.
I go on Tuesday for the last treatment of the third cycle. My oncologist told me last week that he expects both of the levels tumor markers to be back to normal levels by that time, according to the way they have been dropping.
This brings me to a prayer of agreement that I need from you, the people reading this.
It's great that the numbers that need to stay up are, and those needing to go down have been. It's great that my blood is showing normal levels. However, this isn't everything. On Friday morning I go into to get new CT scans. This will be a more telling test of the progress of my healing.
Catherine and I are excited about it. We believe that they will find nothing. Agree with us that this will be further evidence to support the truth we already know in our hearts. I AM HEALED.
Even though my blood work is good and the test WILL be good, the fourth cycle will still take place. To be honest, it kind of stinks, but I understand why. Even though everything may appear normal, there is still the possibility that cancer cells could be present but not really that detectable. So, we must proceed with the treatments and finish all four cycles.
I'm not worried, and neither is anyone who has seen me run. I always finish strong.
So, the end is near. Catherine and I can finally begin to see the light at the the end of a very long, dark tunnel. In about a month we get to finish this race against cancer and begin whatever race God has next. That excited me. I don't know what all will come from this journey. All I know is that Romans 8:28 says that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. While I'm not a scholar, I'm pretty sure that 'everything' in the Greek means everything, cancer included.
Sometimes we find ourselves in situations in which the last thing we want to do is talk about them. Yet that is exactly what we must do. It's what the disciple whom Jesus loved calls "living in the light" (open your Bible to 1 John and read a little bit to find the reference). I don't think he was just talking about sin there. I think that being transparent is just something that's plain healthy. It gets the negative mojo out, so-to-speak. Unresolved negative emotions are like poison and let me tell ya, I don't need any more or other types of poison right now because the chemo is more than enough.
Anyways, all that to say this: I'm back to the blog to keep everyone updated.
We got some really great news even before the third cycle began. On the very first treatment day of cycle three my blood was drawn to run the usual tests. All my counts were good. Perhaps the best count was actually a count that has been going down: my tumor markers.
There are two tumor markers. One is called the beta hCG. This, interestingly enough is also the same hormone produced in pregnancy. Your everyday pregnancy test actually tests for an elevated beta hCG level. So, if I would have taken a pregnancy test, it would have been positive! The other tumor marker is called Alpha-fetoprotein. I don't really have an interesting story for that one. All I really know is that if it is elevated in men, it's most likely a sign of cancer. Thus the reason it's called a 'tumor marker'.
Both of these markers were back down to almost normal levels when they did my blood work before starting the first treatment on day one of the third cycle. The next week, the beta hCG was completely normal and the the other had been reduced by over half but was still slightly elevated.
I go on Tuesday for the last treatment of the third cycle. My oncologist told me last week that he expects both of the levels tumor markers to be back to normal levels by that time, according to the way they have been dropping.
This brings me to a prayer of agreement that I need from you, the people reading this.
It's great that the numbers that need to stay up are, and those needing to go down have been. It's great that my blood is showing normal levels. However, this isn't everything. On Friday morning I go into to get new CT scans. This will be a more telling test of the progress of my healing.
Catherine and I are excited about it. We believe that they will find nothing. Agree with us that this will be further evidence to support the truth we already know in our hearts. I AM HEALED.
Even though my blood work is good and the test WILL be good, the fourth cycle will still take place. To be honest, it kind of stinks, but I understand why. Even though everything may appear normal, there is still the possibility that cancer cells could be present but not really that detectable. So, we must proceed with the treatments and finish all four cycles.
I'm not worried, and neither is anyone who has seen me run. I always finish strong.
So, the end is near. Catherine and I can finally begin to see the light at the the end of a very long, dark tunnel. In about a month we get to finish this race against cancer and begin whatever race God has next. That excited me. I don't know what all will come from this journey. All I know is that Romans 8:28 says that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. While I'm not a scholar, I'm pretty sure that 'everything' in the Greek means everything, cancer included.
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