The Finish Line

Today was my last treatment! I finally crossed the finish line of the hardest, longest race of my life. I'd like to say it has been fun, but it hasn't really. It's a little strange to be here. I'm not sure I even realize that the finish line is actually here. That may sound strange, but it's the truth. When your life is immersed in a daily battle like cancer, it seems as if the end will never come. Now that it is finally here, it seems false. It's like walking through the desert, longing for even a drip of water. Your body is shutting down. You feel like you're about to dry out, literally. Then you see a life source. A solution to your thirst. You see water. Or is it a mirage? Today, as I crossed the finish line it's as if my mind is telling me it's only a mirage. Stay focused. It's not reality. Yet it is. I know it is in my heart. As Jesus said, "It is Finished."

I've had a similar occurrence in my life, and it was in my racing. I finally won a National Championship my senior year of college. It was something I had dreamed about and worked toward for years. It was something that had alluded me. It was something that I knew I was capable of, but didn't know for sure if I would ever actually achieve. It was my focus. It was my goal. Then, in a matter of a couple of minutes and 1000 meters, it was there. I crossed the finish line before any one else.

It definitely wasn't the first time I had placed first in a race. I have a drawer full of t-shirts proving that fact (most collegiate track meets hand out a t shirt to the winner of an event rather than a medal or plaque). I just had never won a race of that magnitude.

As soon as I crossed the line I knew I had won, but it took me a while to realize it. I had another race less than an hour after my championship effort, so there wasn't time to realize that I had just won a national championship. I had to get focused and prepared for the relay that was to come. I felt as if there was much more riding on the relay race than on the race I had just won. There was. In the 1000m race I has just won, it was just me. Sure, my points helped the team but I was the only winner of that race. As soon as I finished I began to think about the three teammates that would take the baton after me in the relay. I began to think about the entire team that was depending on our relay for hopes of a team championship. That I had won a national championship hadn't really crossed my mind yet.

I wish I could tell you that our relay won, and it propelled our team to another indoor national championship for the school. But that didn't happen. I ran well, but not fast enough. Not as fast as needed. I ran a 3:00 for 1200 meters and handed the baton off in first place but by too slim of a margin. I needed to be a couple of seconds faster to set our relay up for the win. The cards didn't fall right for the rest of the relay and we ended up in a disappointing 4th place finish, allowing our team to finish in 2nd in the overall point standings.

You would think that after the track meet that I would have finally realized the championship, but you would be wrong. There was still more to focus on. That race was during the indoor track season, so as soon as it was over the outdoor season began. It was time to focus on the next goal, a team outdoor national championship. And, to make a long story short, we achieved that goal. I didn't win another race on my own. I placed 2nd in the 800m, and anchored our 4x800m relay to a 2nd place finish. Nobody was disappointed though, because as a team we battled over three days to win the first men's outdoor national championship in school history. It wasn't until this that I was finally able to understand the reality of the race I had won almost three months prior.

I pray that I realize this victory sooner. You can join with me in this. Pray that my body recovers quickly. Pray that I can get back to my typical daily routine quickly. Pray that all my hair grows back quickly! Pray that the next scan shows that I truly have victory and no more cancer. That I am healthy, whole, complete, and lacking nothing. Pray that the facts line up with the truth. I know I'm healed. Most of you know I'm healed. Now it's time for the doctors to know I'm healed.